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The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked
them how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names.

He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."


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A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven
at the same moment.

They spend the day in orientation, and as they're getting their heavenly vestments, the
Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer
apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes.

Then, they get to see where they're going to live. The Pope gets what everyone else gets,
a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room mansion with servants and
a swimming pool.

At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz kosher TV dinner, and
the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.

By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has been made.

He asks one of the angels in charge, "Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was
the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I'm just a lawyer and I'm getting the
finest of everything?"

The angel replied, "No mistake, sir. We've had lots of popes here, but you're the first
lawyer we've ever had."


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A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find
herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age
difference.

On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed and waited for him to come out of
the bathroom to come to bed.

When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection
and he was carrying ear plugs and a pair of nose plugs.

Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"

The old man replied, "There are just two things I can't stand, the sound of a woman
screaming... and the smell of burning rubber!"


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An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk
totally stressed out.

He gives him the advice, "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had my wife give
me a blowjob. It was fantastic and it really helped, you should try it too!"

Two weeks later when the manager arrives at his department he sees the man happy and full
of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up and the computer is running at full speed.
"I see you followed my advice?"

"I did", answers the employee, "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice
house!".


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