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Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks

Child: Mother, where do babies come from?

Mom: Well dear....a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married.

One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex.

(The daughter looks puzzled.)

That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby,

Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's
penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Mom: Jewelry, dear.

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One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for
the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the
cockpit through the center aisle.

Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right
and left as he stumbles down the aisle.

The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical
joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins
moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among
themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers
are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices
are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the
pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts
off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know,
one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when
to take off!"

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One day, little jonny asked his mom what sex was.

"Tonight, go into your sister's room, hide behind the curtain, and watch what she and her
boyfriend do.

The following morning, jonny's mom asked what happened.

Little jonny explained "well at first, they were just kinda talking and laughing, but
after a while they started kissing and hugging, sister got a fever, cuz she said she was
feeling hot.

So sister's boyfriend put his hand under her shirt to find her heart, just like the doctor

Except he's not so smart because both of them got sick and they started panting and
getting all out of breath.

His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.

About this time sis got worse and began to moan and sigh, and squirm around and slide to
the end of her bed. then i finally found out what was making them sick - a big eel had
gotten inside her boyfriend's pants somehow.

It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long! anyways he grapped
it in one hand to keep it from getting away.

When sis saw it, she got really scared - her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and
she started calling to God and stuff like that.

She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen, I should tell her about the ones by the
lake, anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.

All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and tried to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it, and the boyfriend
helped by lying on top of the eel.

The eel put on a heck of a fight. Sis started moaning and squealing and her boyfriend
almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.

After a while, they both stopped moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and
sure enough they had killed the eel!

I knew because it just hung there and also because some of its insides were dripping out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to the bed

He started hugging and kissing her again! by golly, the eel wasn't dead!It jumped straight
up and started to fight again.

I guess eels are like cats-they have nine lives or something like that. this time, sis
jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it.

After a 35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw
sis boyfriend peel it's skin off and flush it down the toilet!"

Little jonny's mom fainted

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An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me. " Mildly irritated, he reached
across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

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