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Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the
first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks
around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to
the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some
furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the
door."

Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on
the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take
your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"


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Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine.

Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said

"Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane."

And every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten
dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

So Stumpy says "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old. If I don't go this time I may nevah
go."

Martha replies "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten
dollahs."

So the pilot overhears them and says "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up
for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge
you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."

They agree and up they go.The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives,
but not a word is heard.

He does it one more time, still nothing. So he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could
think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."

And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out, but ten dollahs
is ten dollahs!"



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According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's,
70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered
with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was
fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent 'spokey
dokey's on our wheels.�

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags, riding in the passenger
seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from bottles and it tasted the same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we were
never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died
from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the
hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before
it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.

We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no
videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, and no
Internet chat rooms. We had friends we went outside and found them.

We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones but there were no law suits.

We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.

We played knock-and-run and were actually afraid of the owners catching us.

We walked to friend's homes.

We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us
to school, which was just round the corner.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law unheard of. They actually sided with
the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and
inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it
all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and
government regulated our lives, for our own good.

For those of you who aren't old enough thought you might like to read about us.

This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face:
The majority of students in universities today were born in 1983........They are called
youth.

They have never heard of "We are the World, We are the children", and the "Uptown Girl",
they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel.

They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena or Belinda� Carlisle.

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.

AIDS has existed since they were born.

CD's have existed since they were born.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat
guy could be a god of dance.

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are Films from last year.

They can never imagine life before computers.

They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, Red Hand Gang or the Famous Five.

They can't believe a black and white television ever existed and don't even know how to
switch on a TV without a remote control.

And they will never understand how we could leave he house without a mobile phone.

Now let's check if we're getting old...

1. You understand what was written above and you smile.

2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.

3. Your friends are getting married/already married.

4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.

5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.

6. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating
again all the funny you have experienced together.

7. Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because
you think they will like it too...

Yes, you're getting older!!!!


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This is a story about a popular young Rabbi, who on Sabbath Eve announces to his
congregation that he will
not renew his contract.

He explains that he must move
on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Sol Epstein, who owns several car dealerships
in the City stands up and proclaims, "If the Rabbi stays, I
will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to
transport their
children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.

Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the Rabbi will
stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a
foundation to guarantee the college education's of all his children!"

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Rabbi stays, I vill
give him sex!"

There is total silence.

The Rabbi, blushing, asks her "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jacob is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the
palm of his hand
and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies, "Vell, I just asked mein
husband how ve could help and he just said, 'Fuck the Rabbi!'"


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