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A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three dangerous looking bikers walked
in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then
took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat
at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a
seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was
he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over
three motorcycles."


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A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled
shotgun.

As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, right on his penis.

Obviously, he had to see a doctor. When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor
had done a marvelous job repairing it.

As he got ready to go home, the doctor gave him a business card. "This is my brothers
card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him."

The guy says "Is your brother a doctor?"

"No," Doc replies, "he plays the flute. He'll show you where to put your fingers so you
don't piss in your eye."


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An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very
hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh Prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's
where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire
garden, without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking
him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad; It's the best I
could do from here."



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A man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children.

Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and the youngest
is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," The husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I
want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my
mother's grave that you are his father."

The man dies happy.

The wife mutters under her breath, "Thank God he didn't ask me about the other three!"


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