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A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

The mother looks over at the little girl, "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her
age, it isn't polite." the mother warns.

"Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your
business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends
begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a
report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."


The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"

The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know why you and daddy got divorce."

"Oh really?", the mother asks, "Why is that?"

To which the girl replies, "Because you got an F in sex."


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Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads
for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up
yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane
glue."


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While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a
brand new, shiny watch.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.

"Nope." replied Jimmy.

"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".

Again Jimmy says "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny.

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing
the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new
watch. He vowed to get one for himself.

That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises
of lovemaking.

Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.

His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep
quiet."


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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the
bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing
black?"



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