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While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a
brand new, shiny watch.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.

"Nope." replied Jimmy.

"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".

Again Jimmy says "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny.

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing
the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new
watch. He vowed to get one for himself.

That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises
of lovemaking.

Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.

His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep
quiet."


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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the
bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing
black?"



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A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent.
Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah..." said the woman, as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of
two children."

"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of Three children."

The woman grinned and said, "That's what you think."


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Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for.

He answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first
opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you
here for?"

The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a
collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the
table and broke them all."

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for.

The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the
shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like
a wild animal!"

"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.

The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails done."


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