An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 7 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. President Bush signed an energy bill in New Mexico last week. He had a simple clear message for all Americans... he said the economy is moving, it's moving to China and Korea and Taiwan, but it's moving. -Jay Leno Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 185 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Helen Clark the New Zealand PM, was flying a hot air balloon realised she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, ‘Excuse me, can you help me?' 'I promised a friend I would meet her an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.’ The man below replied, ‘You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40-41º North latitude and between 59-60º West longitude. ‘You must be an engineer,’ said Helen. ‘I am,’ said the man, ‘how did you know?’ ‘Well’ answered Helen, ‘everything you told me is technicaly correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.’ The man below responded, ‘You must be the leader of the labour party.’ ‘I am,’ replied Helen, ‘how did you know?’ ‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it’s my fault.’ Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 24 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Democrats are concerned about President Bush's Supreme Court nominee John Roberts. They think he may be a threat to the endangered species list... Democrats, of course, have been worried about the endangered species list since they found out they were on it. -Jay Leno Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 12 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.