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Things to say to telemarketers

The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the
body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?

What's that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing
aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I'm afraid we're just not
communicating.

I'm gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some
hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don't go away.

Oh, it's you again. I was hoping you'd call back. The better business people said I need
more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and
telephone number...


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The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker
ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you
conclude from that?"

One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."


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A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me!
Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car.

The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night
I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"

"Relax", says the doctor, "You're just having an auto-body experience."


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A father had three very active boys.

One summer evening, he was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner.

One of the boys "shot" his father and yelled, "Bang! You're dead!"

He slumped to the ground and when he didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see
if he had been hurt in the fall.

When the neighbor bent over, the overworked father opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't
give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."


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