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A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of
them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side
of the grass!"


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I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one
day, I was coaching her as I drove.

I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers
permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an
hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One
mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."


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"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch
it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."


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Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's
response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut
our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But
by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average response time by 20
percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said,
"That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency
response time in half!"




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