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Hurricane Rita was not as bad for Texas as people thought it was going to be.

In fact, Enron did more damage to Houston than Hurricane Rita.

-Jay Leno


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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove
box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and
stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded
by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't
have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in
the trunk?

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!


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A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of
them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side
of the grass!"


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I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one
day, I was coaching her as I drove.

I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers
permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an
hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One
mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."


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