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I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one
day, I was coaching her as I drove.

I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers
permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an
hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One
mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."


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"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch
it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."


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Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's
response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut
our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But
by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average response time by 20
percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said,
"That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency
response time in half!"




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A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift when he saw a poor immigrant
with a beautiful white horse.

He told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse.

The poor man replied, "I don't think so, mister, it don't look good," and walked away.

The next day the rich man came back and offered the poor man $1000 for the horse.

The poor man said, "No better not, it don't look too good."

On the third day the rich man offered the poor man $2000 for the horse, and said he
wouldn't take no for an answer.

The poor man said well OK, and the rich man took the horse home.

The rich man's daughter loved her present. She climbed onto the horse, and it galloped
away right into a tree.

The rich man rushed back over to the poor man's house, demanding an explanation for the
horse's blindness.

The poor man replied, "I told you it don't look so good!"



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