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Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.




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A lady went to her doctor for a check-up.
when asked how she got the bruises on the
outside of her thighs, she explained that
she got them from having sex. The doctor
then told her she would have to change
positions until the bruises healed. She
replied "Oh doctor, I can't... my dog's
breath is awful!"


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Our dog left so many disgusting stains
on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet.
I didn't want to be stupid about the new
purchase, so I cut the stains out of the
old carpet. When the carpet guy asked what
color we wanted, I pulled out the stained
patches and said, "Yeah, can you match this color!"


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A woman had two female parrots
who were always yelling,
"We're prostitutes, wanna have
a little fun?"
One day, she was talking to her
Preacher about this. He said he
had two male parrots and all
they did was read the Bible.
He thought perhaps they would
be a good influence on the two
females. So they put the four
parrots together. So, the females
yelled at the male parrots,
"We're prostitutes, wanna have
a little fun?"
One male parrot said to the
other, "Put the Bibles away!
We've made it to heaven!"



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