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Q: What weighs 2,000 pounds and pinches?
A: An elephant wearing a tight tuxedo!



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A young blonde was on vacation in the
depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
way, but was very reluctant to pay the
high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the
"no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator so I can
get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be
my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch
yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed
for the swamps, set on catching herself
an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving
home, when he spotted the young woman
standing waist deep in the water, shotgun
in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot
alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She took aim, killed the creature, and with
a great deal of effort hauled it on to
the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the
dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched
in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped
the alligator on its back, and frustrated,
shouted out, "Damn it, this one isn't
wearing any shoes either!"


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Q: Why did the ram fall off the cliff?
A: Because he didn't see the ewe turn.



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A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head.
The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"
The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human
out of my ass."






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