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Q. What is the easiest way to put a giraffe in a
fridge?
A. Opening the door and putting him in.



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A circus owner walks into a bar and sees a crowd around
a table watching a show. On the table was an upside
down pot and a duck tap-dancing on it. The circus owner
was impressed so he offered to buy the duck from its
owner. After some dealings they settled for $15,000
for the duck and the pot. A week later the circus owner
runs back to the bar in anger,
"Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot
before the audience and he didn't dance a single
step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner,
"Did you remember to light the candle under the
pot?"



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A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The
bartender snarls, "What'll you have?"
The duck says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "We don't have grapes, we only
serve drinks, now get out!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out. The next
day, the same duck waddles into the bar again, hops on
a stool and asks,
"Got any grapes?"
The bartender, irritated, says,
"I told you yesterday we don't serve grapes here,
now GET OUT!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out. The next
day, the duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a
stool, looks at the bartender, and asks,
"Got any grapes?"
The bartender, infuriated, pounds his fist on the bar
and yells,
"I told you twice we don't serve grapes, we serve
drinks! If you ask me that again I'm going to nail your
beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!" With that, the duck
shrugged, hopped off the stool and waddled out.
The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar,
hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and
asked,
"Got any nails?"
The bartender, puzzled, said no. The duck then looked
him square in the eye and said,
"Got any grapes?"



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The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are
drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on
comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a
question.
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there
are not".
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in
Italy?" Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there
are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are
there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there
are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves
start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey
screwed a penguin."



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