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Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

A:About 50 pounds!!

Q:What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?

A:About 50 minutes!!


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John worked in a pickle factory.
One day he came home to confess to his wife
that he had a irresistible urge to stick his
penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should get a
proffesional help, but John indicated that
he'd be too embarrassed and promised to
overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, John came home
absolutely pale.
"What's wrong, John?" asked the wife.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had
this tremendous urge to put my penis into
the pickle slicer?" he asked.
"Oh, John, you didn't," she said.
"Yes, I did," he told her.
"My God, John, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, John. I mean, what happened with the
pickle slicer?" she asked.
"Oh... she got fired too."


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Bill went to church with his wife but
always fell asleep during the sermony.
The wife decided to do something about this.
One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with
her to poke him with every time he fell asleep.
The preacher shouted out, "And who
created all there is in six days and
rested on the seventh," she poked Bill,
who came flying out of the pew and
screamed, "Good God almighty!"
The minister said, "That's right,
that's right," and went on with his sermony.
Bill fell asleep again. the preacher
shouted out, "And who died on the cross
to save us from our sins," the wife
poked him again, and he jumped up and
shouted, "Jesus Christ!".
The minister said, "That's right,
that's right," and went on with his sermony.
Bill sat back down and began to watch
his wife and when the minister got to,
"And what did Eve say to Adam after
the birth of their second child?"
The wife started to poke Bill again,
but he jumped up and said, "If you
stick that damn thing in me again,
I'll break it off!"


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Bill and his wife were doing some yard work.
The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ
grill while his wife was bending over,
weeding flowers. So Bill says to his wife
"Your ass is almost as wide as this grill",
She ignores him.
A while later, Bill takes his measuring tape
and measures the grill, then he goes over
to his wife while she is bending over,
measures her ass and murmur,
"Geez, it really is as wide as the grill!"
She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, Bill starts
to feel randy. The wife calmly responds,
"If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill
for one tiny wiener, you are sadly mistaken."


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