Jack left for a two-day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee. She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and squeezed her left tit. "Leave only one quart of milk," she said. "Jack won't be here for breakfast tomorrow." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 717 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. "I know you've been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?" The husband replied, "Look, I don't want to upset you, there were many. Let's just leave it alone." The wife continued to beg and plead. Finally, the husband gave in. "Let's see," he said "There was one, two, three, four, five, six, you, eight, nine..." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 706 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Mr. Dane, the biology professor, at a posh suburban girl's school, asked during class, "Miss Jones, would you name the organ in th human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and define the conditions." Miss Jones gasped, then said snottily, "Mr. Dane, I don't think that is a proper question. I assure you that my parents will hear of this." With that, she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Dane called on Miss Barnes, and asked the same question. Miss Barnes, with complete composure replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light." "Correct," said Mr. Dane. "Now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you: one, you have not studied your lessons. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 434 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Q: What am I? A: I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in 'n' out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. Cleaning is usually done after I am. What am I? Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush! What were you thinking, you pervert? Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 696 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.