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Two semi-drunk gentlemen are sitting at the local bar and somehow
get into a conversation about the size of their penis. The tall
gentleman says, "You know Mark, I bet you my penis is bigger than
yours!" The fat tubby gent says, "Shit, there's no way your penis
is bigger than mine, mine's the biggest". The gentlemen continue
the bragging, when the bartender come over and says, "Sorry to
interrupt the conversation, but I heard you gentlemen discussing
the size of your dicks, you can brag all you want, but everyone
knows I have the biggest dick here, without a doubt." "Screw it,"
the tall man said, "Look at this monster", and whipped out his dick
and sets it on the bar, and said, "Beat That". The short man laughs
whips out his dick and sets it on the bar, and says, "Think that's
big, check this out." Finally the bartender, glowing with confidence
pulls out a 8 foot dick, sets it on the table and says, "Told you",
just than a homosexual walks into the bar and the bartender asks,
"wha! t'cha want fella?" The homo smiles and says, "No Beer for me,
I'll just have the BUFFET.



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So, in the bar were Tom, Dick and Harry.
Tom says My wife is so stupid, she bought
$1000 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer
Thats nothing says Dick,
my wife is so thick, she bought a $20,000
car, and she can't even drive!
Pah, says Harry, 'my wife is so stupid,
she booked a to trip to Ibiza, and bought
1000 condoms, and she hasn't even got a dick!



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An alien walks into a bar and up to the bartender.
Bartender says, "It must be awful for you aliens."
Alien points out its finger and touches
the bartender, making a "zap" sound.
Bartender says, "You aliens have no dick."
Alien keeps zapping the bartender. Zap. Zap. Zap. Zap.
Bartender says, "So, how do you have sex?"
Alien keeps zapping the bartender. Zap. Zap.
Zap. Zap. Zap.



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A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a
very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually
looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I
was just testing it."
Here is one you can set your watch by...
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special
about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because
I am wearing panties!"
The man exclaims, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."


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