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A guy wakes up in the morning.
He has a massive hangover and can't
remember anything he did last night.
'He picks up his dressing gown from
the floor and puts it on. He notices
there's something in one of the pockets
and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks
to himself, "Uh oh. What happened
last night?" He walks towards the
bathroom and finds a panty in the
other pocket of his gown. Again he
thinks, "What happened last night.
What have I done? It must have
been a wild party," making his best
attempt to conclude and accept
the evidence. He opens the
bathroom door, walks in and has
a look in the mirror. He notices
a little string hanging out of his
mouth and his only thought is
"If there's a God, please let this
be a tea bag."


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A teenage girl walked into a bank
with several glass jars filled with
quarters. After running them through
the automated counting machine,
the teller announced,
"That came out to $793.75. Tell me, young
lady, how long have you been hoarding
all those quarters?"
"All year," replied the girl,
"but my sister whored half of them."


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At a conference on the supernatural,
one of the speakers asked:
"Who here has ever seen a ghost?"
Most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form
of interaction with a ghost?"
About half the hands stay up.
"Okay, now how many of you have had
physical contact with a ghost?"
Three hands stay up;
there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Ok, have any of
you ever, uh..., been intimate with a ghost?"
One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks. "Gosh, Sir, are you telling
us that you've actually had sexual contact with
a ghost?"
The fellow suddenly blushes and says:
"Oh, I'm sorry, ... I thought you said goat!"


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A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so
She proceeded to find herself a rich 73 -year-old man, planning
to love him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem,
in spite of the half-century age difference .
The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and
waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.
When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber
to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of
earplugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
"What are those for? "
The elderly gentleman replied:
"There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman
screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"


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