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A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster
wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, "What on earth is that all about?"
The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all
his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep
him warm."
"Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?"
The farmer said, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold
down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."


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Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
her. As she sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and
promises to provide her with everything she needs to go to the ball,
but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later,
and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2am.
The appointed hour comes and goes, and she doesn't show up. Finally, at 5am
Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?"
Demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a
pumpkin three hours ago!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care
of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly...Mark Mark, something or other."


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An old man and his wife go camping for the first time... there they are,
sitting by the cracking fire, and the woman says to her husband,
"I think I shall go take off my bra since no one is around."
The husband says, "Why sure honey, go right ahead."
So the old woman disappears into the tent, returning a few moments later she asks
"How do I look?" "Wonderful!" says he... "took all the wrinkles out of your face!"


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Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and
they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says:
"You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we
split up today? I'll hike north and spend the day looking around; you hike
south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our
experiences over the campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story.
"Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a
canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake.
As I sat out and dried, I watched the wildflowers .
How was your day?"
The second friend says:
"I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks.
I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the
tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex
in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so
tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was
MUCH better than mine. Did you get a big kiss for goodbye, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."


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