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One day, heaven is beginning to
fill up (of course due to the
population explosion), so St.
Peter decides to ask each person
a question about the bible before
they can enter.
Three men stand at the pearly
gates, waiting to get into heaven.
"How many wise men were there?"
St. Peter asks the first man.
"Three." He answers, and the
trumpets sound, the gates open,
and the first man enters.
"How long did the flood last?"
St. Peter asks the second man.
"Forty days and forty nights."
He answers, and the trumpets sound,
the gates open and the second man enters.
Seeing how easily the first two
answered his trivia, St. Peter
thinks of a much more difficult
question for the second man.
Finally, he asks, "What was the
first thing Eve said to Adam
in the Garden?"
The man thinks and thinks, but
can't come up with an answer.
"Boy, that's a hard one," he
finally says. And the trumpets
blow, the gates open, and the
last man enters heaven.



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Two small boys, not yet old enough
to be in school, were overheard
talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?"
asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What
does your Daddy do for a living?"
asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind"
replied Tommy.



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There was an old priest who got sick
of all the people in his parish who kept
confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,
"If I hear one more person confess to
adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came
up with a code word. Someone who had
committed adultery would say instead
that they had 'fallen.'
This seemed to satisfy the old priest
and things went well until the priest
passed away at a ripe, old age.
A few days after the new priest arrived,
he visited the mayor of the town and
seemed very concerned.
"Mayor, you have to do something about
the sidewalks in town. When people come
into the confessional, keep telling me
they've fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing
that no one had told the new priest about
the code word. But, before he could explain,
the priest shook an accusing finger at
him and shouted, "I don't know what
you're laughing about, because your wife
has fallen three times this week!"



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A man sat on a barstool next to a priest. His tie was
stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and
a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat
pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading.
After a few minutes the guy turned to the priest and
asked,
"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Oh, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your
fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk said,
returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said,
apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
“I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that
the Pope does



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